He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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