We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
