So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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