Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
