so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
