Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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