When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
