Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
