So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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