What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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