Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't trust your balls anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
