Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
