all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
