don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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