how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
