My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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