We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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