I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
