mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
