What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
