Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
