Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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