So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
