having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
