a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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