Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
