you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
