The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
