he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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