I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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