my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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