I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
