There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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