Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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