Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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