So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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