Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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