my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
