somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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