yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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