Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize