how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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