When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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