I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
