no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
