Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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