By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
