Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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