I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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