Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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