Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
