if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
