i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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