There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize