you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
