Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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