Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize