I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize