Your dad touched me again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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