I've blown a few things in my day
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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