those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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