nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
