Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
