I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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