dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
