he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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