so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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