I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
