I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
