Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
