i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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