i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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