The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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